Diary of an Exorcist
by TeenageNeko
Summary: Komui suggested that Allen start a diary to vent his anger... This is going to be interesting.
1. Anger Issues

Entry 1

Well, komui suggested that I start a diary to vent my anger.

Does it really seem like I have anger issues? I don't think so… Well, there was that one time that I kinda rearranged Lavi's face with my anti-akuma weapon, but I had a reason! Ya see, I was walking to a seat when Lavi flew out of nowhere and collided with my back sending me crashing through a window and falling down the mountain-thingy that the Black Order sits on!

I can't believe I survived that.

I left the hospital with two cracked ribs, a broken leg, and a broken thumb. Lavi left the hospital with a broken arm, three cracked ribs, ten stitches on his left cheek, half a foot, another eye patch, and a new phobia.

I'd rather not say what I did to him out of anger…

Entry 2

Lavi was able to remove his extra eye patch today. His eye looks really jacked up.

He learned his lesson and I learned mine. But he suffered much more… MWHAHAHAHAHA!

Entry 3

Yeah… I was kinda loopy the last two entries… Neko-chan switched my medication with crazy-pills, not a good idea Neko-chan.

Entry 4

Okay, I know what your guys are wondering.

"If you don't have anger issues why do you need medication?"

My answer: Mind your own business, kay?

Entry 5

Lenalee and I made cookies today.

We offered Kanda some but he ignored us and muttered, "Stupid bean sprout."

Why does he call me that? I'm not short. Definantly not!

Ever read Fullmetal Alchemist? The main charater is short.

He's the bean sprout.

Entry 6

We took some of the cookies to Bookman.

He liked them. Lenalee tried to offer some to Lavi but I started growling and scared him away.

Why did I growl?

Maybe I do have anger issues…

A/N: New story woot woot. Press the magic green button and you'll win an Allen chibi wearing a taco-suit.


	2. Sleepover

Entry 7

Hey people.

Neko-chan asked me to tell you that she doesn't own D. Gray-man in any shape or form, but she does own a pile of fan art and several volumes of the manga.

Are you trying to brag Neko-chan?

Entry 8

Today Komui invited everyone to a sleepover.

Finders and Exorcists.

He also said that he had some very special games planned.

I'm scared.

Entry 9

I packed my stuff, now I'm waiting at the door.

Komui's sleepover is being held in the cafeteria.

I feel sorry for Jerry, Komui asked him to stay longer so we'd have snacks. Wait… Why am I sad?

If Jerry's here there will be food.

Entry 10

There weren't any spaces by Lenalee and Lavi's sleepingbags so I had to find another spot.

I got stuck between two fat sweaty guys.

Why Komui? Why?

Entry 11

Komui just told us to put on our pajamas because he's preparing the game.

I'm really REALLY scared.

A/N: Poor Allen! Clicking the green button might save him!


	3. Baths

Entry 12

We just finished the game.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it was bad.

Think about this, hide and go seek with a twist involving needles and wrenches.

Ouch.

Entry 13

I woke up early.

The sweaty guys were kicking me in their sleep, and the biggest one grabbed my leg and started stroking it.

I was mega-disturbed.

Entry 14

It's over and I survived it.

I really am loved by God.

Entry 15

Someone reviewed and said that I was OOC.

I am OOC.

Ostrich olive cookie.

Yes, that does make sense.

Entry 16

I just took a bath.

It was really nice. The water was warm and my rubber ducky was perfectly squeaky and the bubbles were just the right size… The joys of bath time.

Ya know, no one in the Black Order appreciates baths like I do.

They take them to stay clean, but for fun? Nope!

How could they not like nice warm baths? I love baths! Heck, I eat in my bathtub! It's great!

Macaroni and bathtubs are an enchanting mix. Yes, I did say that. And I'm on my medication.

A/N: The medication thing was inspired by Fred *insert backwards R* XD I hope you know who that is. Please review!


	4. Nicknames

Entry 17

The chaos of Komui's sleepover has ended.

Everything is back to normal, well, as normal as the Black Order can get.

Entry 18

Lavi told me that he's going to shave Kanda's hair.

Good luck Lavi, you'll need it.

Entry 19

Lavi just came back from his 'mission'. He has a black eye and I think I saw a gap in his smile- yup, he looks like a jack-o-lantern.

Haha, a jack-o-lantern.

I'm glad I didn't go. I would've become a jack-o-lantern bean sprout. Being an ordinary bean sprout is bad enough, but a jack-o-lantern bean sprout? No thank you.

Entry 20

Twenty entries. Whee.

We had a meeting today. Kanda was bald.

Poor Kanda, poor hairless Kanda.

I mean it! I really do feel sorry for him! He probably spent hours on his hair, shampooing, conditioning, brushing, blow-drying, the list goes on!

In a nutshell, I feel sorry for bald Kanda.

Entry 21

I don't feel that sorry for Kanda anymore.

I tried to talk to him and he said "Get away from me you old bean sprout!"

Old bean sprout? Why not just bean sprout?

I think it's time Kanda got a nickname.

I was thinking about shiny-scalp, hairless wonder, and baldy-mic-bald-bald, which one is better? I kinda like the last one.

Entry 22

I told Lavi and Lenalee about the nickname. Lenalee told me I was acting a bit childish and Lavi gave me a thumbs up. I think he finally forgave me for eating half of his foot- whoops, I shouldn't have let that slip.

Entry 23

Today when Kanda walked by, me and Lavi yelled "Hey baldy-mic-bald-bald, off to wax your scalp?" I don't think Kanda liked his nickname.

He attacked us with Mugen; we had no choice but to fight back. The battle attracted a butt-load of Finders; they formed a circle around us and started cheering for me and Lavi.

I was touched by their actions.

None of the Finders like Kanda so me and Lavi had it made.

Entry 24

The battle ended with Lavi becoming bald too, and I broke my pinky, isn't that just great?

Luckily Komui had something in the lab that grows hair. Kanda and Lavi aren't bald anymore! Yay!

But now we don't have any nicknames for Kanda… Oh well, I guess I'll stick to calling him girly-man.

Entry 25

It's all good now.

Lavi and Kanda have hair, Lenalee made more cookies, Komui bandaged my pinky, and I have a bath waiting.

As crazy as the Black Order is, its my home and I love it!

A/N: This has got to be my favorite so far! Ha, bald Kanda. Review or Kanda with get dreadlocks!


	5. Investigation

Entry 26

The strangest thing happened today.

Komui walked up to Kanda and handed him a package in a secretive way.

Is he doing drugs or something?

Entry 27

Me and Lavi are going to investigate; we even got Lenalee to come.

Isn't that just OOC?

Entry 28

We just started the investigation, I'm on my break right now so I decided to write a little.

We went through Komui's room and found some pretty suspicious stuff. Four cooking magazines, a shovel, a chicken suit, five packages of Sweet Tarts, and finally, a very, VERY suspicious looking leaf.

I think he might be planning to get Kanda high and senseless then, disguised as a chicken, he'd knock Kanda out with the shovel and take him back to his…lair. Once inside he'd fatten Kanda up with the Sweet Tarts and cook him with a recipe from one of the magazines.

I know it sounds low, but this is Komui we're talking about.

Entry 29

Hey guys, Lavi here.

Allen's letting me use his diary while I'm on my break.

YOSH! It's my turn now!

I just read Allen's theory and I think it's something totally different.

I think the actual target is Allen! Komui would use the Sweet tarts to lure Allen into his trap, then knock him out with the shovel and take him back to his…lair. Then Allen would wake up and he'd ask Allen to put the chicken suit on for his amusement, but Allen would refuse so Komui would torture him by reading the cooking magazines out loud!

I don't think the leaf has anything to do with the whole situation, but it is rather suspicious…

Entry 30

I'm not too happy about the entry that Lavi wrote in here. I told him he could hold it, not write in it! *sigh* Bookmen…

Oh! By the way, entry 30 WOOT WOOT!

Entry 31

Okay, I'm really scared! Komui and Kanda just walked in and we're hiding from them! The fact that they're both armed only makes it worse!

No! No! No! They're coming this way!

...

I think my heart just stopped.

A/N: Its been a while, hasn't it? Haha not really, but for me it was! I really liked this chapter, I don't know why... So yeah. Review or the image of Lavi in a bikini will be forever implanted in your mind.


	6. Shoujo Manga?

Entry 32

We were both wrong. Kanda had gone shopping earlier and lost his bag. He went to ask Komui about his bag, which contained the items we found, but alas, Komui remembered nothing of the sort. Oh, and the package was just some cookies from a relative. This story had a happy ending! Kanda got his stuff back and nobody died! But I do feel quite foolish…

Entry 33

Guess what? We're throwing a "just because" party for Lenalee! Jerry's baking a cake, Kanda's carving an ice-sculpture, Komui's sending invitations, the science team is decorating, and I get to film it! Yay!

Entry 34

OH NOES! The fourteenth (whatever that is) took over my body and made me destroy the cake! As in eat it!

Entry 35

All is well! Lavi went to Farm Fresh for a replacement cake and Lenalee will be here soon! The freshest farm!

Entry 36

Ya' know…when everything goes my way or everything fixes itself to the point that it's better than before…I feel like my life is some kind of messed up Shoujo manga.

A/N: I am sooooooo sorry that it's short! I'm even more sorry for the long wait! I've been out of town a lot, so I didn't have that much time to type or anything! Forgive me! Oh noble authors! Oh, and if you review...there will be free manga for everyone.


End file.
